“I enjoy interviewing Minnesota civilian workers and
elected officials, who in their own way, are as important to fighting the Solar
Tyrant’s invasion as any front-line soldier, sailor, or marine. I enjoy
interviewing youthful humans and ponies that are wearing muddy and oil stained
work clothes because they have stepped away from their important jobs a few
minutes before our interview starts. I enjoy these interviews much more
than asking old-timers, sipping tea and eating tapioca pudding in retirement
communities, to recall past events that have happened years or decades earlier.
I present to you three of my most entertaining, thought-provoking
interviews describing how human and pony citizens of St. Louis County,
Minnesota are contributing to winning the Conversion War.”
- Preface written during July of 2023 by Field
Researcher Paxton Peyton Randolph of the Minnesota Historical Society.
“When the writer,
while writing, is moved to strong emotions, be it to laughter or to tears, is
the special moment when he or she is writing at their best.”
- James Patrick Buchanan
“If you proclaim that
you want something, but you never put out the effort to get that future
outcome; did you in fact want that future outcome in the first place?”
- Charles Moynihan
First interview
Name: Charles “Hat-trick” Moynihan
Birth date: March third, 1991
Ethnic / Nationality / Political Party:
Fifth generation Irish-American, Democratic Farmer Labor party
Status: Alive and working as a Mining Engineering
at Northern Minnesota Mining
Education: Mining Engineering, Bachelor of
Science Degree, South Dakota School of Mines and Technology
Favorite sporting activity: Exercise
walking
Name one thing you love from Equus that is not
Aednat: Ponyville architecture
How did an American man born and raised in
Chisholm, Minnesota and Aednat a Whinnyapolis, Equestrian unicorn mare become
working partners and good friends? We met because of our shared interest
in Lauren Faust’s “Milky Way and the Galaxy Girls.”
Well, internet trolls consider my fascination
with a colorful cartoon series to be incompatible with being a professional
mining engineer. These trolls also think that if I appreciate this
cartoon series that I must be a stereotypical fanboy - someone with no real
job, eat until they are grotesquely obese, and lives in their parent’s
basement. Yet, Aednat and I know that the life lessons you learn from
that show are useful to learn or relearn at any age.
As an enthusiastic Galaxy-guy fan, I spent my one
and only out of state vacation each year at Milky Way Con, the happiest three
days of my entire year. Imagine you are attending a convention with more
than twelve thousand Galaxy-guy and Galaxy-girl fans, of all ages and ethnic
groups. Several hundred fans are wearing elaborate costumes, for a Friday
to Sunday convention every August. Even thinking about my convention puts
my mind in my happy place.
(Mr. Randolph’s note: I omitted eight pages of
Charles describing his favorite panels, where he ate his meals, and his hotel
room to save space, as well as the sanity of those not interested in the Milky
Way fandom. I’ve never before seen anyone describe their fandom with such
wide-eyed enthusiasm and vigor. Also, before today I’ve never seen anyone’s
living room that had more than eight hundred dollars worth of Milky Way
merchandise.)
My favorite convention started about one month
after humanity declared war on the Tyrant. I was disappointed, but not
surprised that total attendance for the August 2019 convention was six
thousand, down from twelve thousand in 2018.
Friday morning, opening ceremonies were great,
the same as always, with a few preview video clips of the upcoming season.
I saw many human and pony fans wearing great costumes inspired by the
series.
For the world outside of the convention, what I
wrote on my blog was that I was happy that President Jack Davis had already
gained approval from the US Senate to declare war against Equestria. I
approved that the American military draft for both young men and women had
started up; while hundreds of thousands of young citizens were volunteering to
enlist. And those that were already in the National Guard and Reserve
were already on full-time duty, thus couldn't attend the convention. If I
wasn’t already working within a vital wartime industry, mining iron ore to make
steel, I would have enlisted myself in the military.
Of course there were some optimistic
American citizens and politicians who questioned the need for civilian
rationing. They argued on every available media that the Tyrant’s
military successes were due to NATO forces being taken by surprise and
therefore not mobilized for war. Once NATO’s armed forces are fully
mobilized, they would defeat the Tyrant’s armies in Europe. Then, NATO
and humanity as whole would push into the pony world. When everybody’s
favorite bête noire Tyrant is dead, America would have our soldiers back home
by Christmas. In the months and years to come, I became disappointed that
such a happy prediction didn’t work out nearly as well as those optimists first
believed would happen.
However, most humans and ponies in attendance I
talked to realized that this event would be the last big Milky Way convention
until we had won the war. Everyone in the convention wanted to have one
last fun party, before the draft, rationing of consumer goods, and restrictions
on recreational civilian travel would start that September.
Some grey-haired, Galaxy-guy fan wearing an
outdated business suit suggested to his group of friends that the European War
should be renamed World War Celestia or World War C. I liked that
moniker, because the letter C is the third letter in the alphabet, making World
War C an indirect reference to World War 3.
On Friday afternoon about three PM, I happened to
see DC-Galloping-Great walking in the Otterbein Lobby. He’s a
well-known Milky Way reaction Youtuber and convention personality. He was
finishing up an interview with Sutra Cross, a pony nurse who was wearing
medical saddle bags and a convention staff shirt that indicated that she was on
the convention’s medical team.
As Sutra Cross shook DC’s hand with both her
forehooves and then trotted away, I noticed that DC wore around his neck the
cutest, Milky Way pewter pendant I’ve ever seen.
I have no idea how DC kept an honest smile on his
face and a joyful tone when he spoke to that pony. I saw hundreds of
other human fans who were worried about their parents, siblings, and children
who serve in the American Armed Forces that were fighting the Solar Tyrant’s
armies in Europe. Some of the ponies were equally downcast; worrying
about their loved ones still lived in Equestria. I think the USO hired DC
as an entertainer, but don’t know where he is now.
Sorry, I lost my train of thought for a moment.
I asked DC where he bought his cute pendant, and he told me that he
bought it from “Aednat Custom Jewelry, booth forty-eight in the dealers’ room.
I wouldn’t delay, as these pendants are very popular with the fans.
I’d take you to that booth, but in five minutes I have an appointment to
take two hungry griffins to a nearby restaurant to have Maryland style pit beef
sandwiches.”
After a fast walk to the dealers’ room, I saw a
unicorn mare, the biggest and burliest mare I’ve seen with my own eyes, sitting
behind booth’s forty-eight sales counter. This mare had a beautiful
chestnut coat, with a long blonde mane and ankle length tail. She wore a
brown cargo vest, along with a baseball cap with her company logo, a crossed
pickaxe and shovel, and her company web address printed on it.
Some of my fellow Milky Way fans were… apprehensive
about ponies and other species from Equus at the convention. But, Milky
Way’s main messages are to believe in your own worth, trust in friendship, and
to promote tolerance. “Practice the magic of friendship and harmony” was
the convention’s theme and thus the convention became our very own Hearth's
Warming Eve cave.
Moreover, my fellow fans and I had seen the news
reports that many ponies were siding with the humans. Some of us had
firsthand witnessed ponies denouncing their evil Queen. On top of that,
the Royal Guard had murdered a few of their fellow ponies because they were
defending their human friends from potion attack.
Moreover, I had a strong desire to buy that
pendant and the fact that a pony had crafted that pendant made it ever cooler
in my mind.
I walked up to her booth, looked her in the eye
while saying, “I’d love to buy that pendant.” I was pointing to the one I
wanted hanging on her jewelry racks.
Using my debit card, I bought that pendant.
I loved seeing her use her horn’s telekinesis to operate an electronic
cash register. These pendants must have been popular, as there were just
five left of that type for sale. In fact, that was the same pendant I
wore to this interview. As she used her telekinesis to give me my pendant
and sales slip inside a clear plastic bag, I noticed that she wore a downcast
and miserable face. She looked sad, sadder than most of the Milky Way
fans or convention center staff.
I dislike seeing anyone unhappy, especially not
such an athletic, young mare as this one. I asked her, “What’s wrong?
I’ve seen a least twenty people wearing your creations today. You
even sold one to DC.”
“I… don’t have a home in Equestria to return to.
There is no way I’ll return to live under the bloody hoof of the Queen’s
genocide. I’ll never craft medals that honor the Royal Guard in
celebration of killing my human and pony friends.
“I’m a fan of Octavia Melody, and bought several
of her records. I always wanted to thank her in person for her wonderful
music at one of her musical performances. But, I never found the time to
go to one. Guess that is something I’ll never be able to do now.”
She pointed with her left forehoof to her tablet
computer, saying “If murdering innocent people is what Queen Genocide proclaims
in the Royal Canterlot voice as something a good and loyal pony should do, then
I’d rather support the humans. At least my parents have immigrated to
America and have asked for political asylum here.”
I looked at her brawny flank, and then said, “I
noticed that your cutie mark is a crossed pickaxe and shovel. May I ask
you what your special talent is?”
“My talent is finding metal ores. When I
got my cutie mark, I was disappointed that my talent was finding metals.
Then, my father told me to be happy that I have a talent everypony
depends upon. He added that not everypony’s special talent is as
glamorous as finding gemstones like Rarity.”
“I noticed that you are rather big and burly for
a unicorn or any type of pony for that matter. No offense, but you
resemble a princess without her wings, than most ponies that I have seen.”
“I got my size and strength from Chantal, my
Earth pony Mom who works as a hard rock miner. In fact, I’m just two
centimeters shorter at the shoulder than Big Macintosh. Thanks Mom,
you’ve made buying mare clothing in my size an expensive adventure in the big
and tall section of my favorite mares’ clothing shop.”
“My name is Charles Moynihan and I’m a certified
mining engineer. I work for Northern Minnesota Mining, a company that
mines iron ore and other metals in Minnesota. What’s your name?”
“Aednat Rocco.”
“What type of education and experience do you
have in the mining industry?”
“Before immigrating to America, my Dad Tremain
was a geology professor at the Manehattan University School for Mining.
From the time I could walk, he and mom were taking me rockhounding all
over Equestria. By the time I got to college, I knew as much about
geology as some of the graduate students. After graduation, I’ve been
working alone or with a team of pony and diamond dog prospectors as a geologist
for years. Making jewelry happens to be my hobby.”
“Aednat, how would you like to work alongside me?
I can make sure that we put your special talent to good work at defeating
that…” I was about to say bad language, when a group of eight elementary
school children walked by that booth. “I mean defeating our common enemy.
With the increased iron production at my mines, I sure could use the
extra hooves looking for iron ore.”
“Iron ore mining, I’ve done that before.”
Her face brightened up and I’m sure that her cutie mark glowed for two or
three seconds. “Sure, give me your cell phone number and we can set a
time to get together to purchase my plane ticket to Minnesota. I also
need an address to send my stock of jewelry to. From what I’ve heard,
Minnesota sounds very much like my home city of Whinnyapolis.”
2019 was the last Milky Way Con I attended.
It was also the last Milky Way Con held at the Baltimore Convention
Center. In April 6th, 2020 the Alliance forces moved in and in forty days
had rebuilt the center into an impressive fortress, supply depot, and regional
headquarters.
I’ve heard that many of Ponyville’s best Earth
pony construction workers helped rebuild that center into a fortress in record
time. I think that they also built a few surprises for the Solar Tyrant’s
armies on the entire East Coast. I’ve talked to people that tell me that
the entire East Coast has become the world’s strongest defensive line, much
harder to break through than the German Atlantic Wall ever was. And, it
is my iron ore that makes the steel that makes all that construction possible.
The student Milky Way fan club of the University
of Baltimore kept Milky Way Con going for another two years. But, the
2021 and 2022 events only drew a couple of hundred people and ponies from
Baltimore and nearby towns. In 2023, with the barrier coming closer and the
city of Baltimore becoming a military personnel only fortress, my convention
has closed for the duration of the war.
The wartime seasons of Milky Way and the Galaxy
Girls, as well as other famous cartoon characters such as Batman, Superman, and
Wonder Woman are encouraging their audience to support the war effort and are
often depicted fighting the Tyrant’s drones, the Royal Guard, and sometimes the
Tyrant herself. I know some human and ponies that can talk for hours
about their collection of Justice League vs. Queen Celestia comics.
The most positive thing to come from this war has
been getting to know and love my Aednat. This past summer, the two of us
enjoyed a weeklong vacation in the Boundary Waters Canoe Area. Every day,
Aednat wore this flowery summer dress and matching hoof slippers. Wow,
just, wow! To my mind, she looked like the Goddess of Springtime.
The scent of Aednat’s mane and silky smoothness of her coat, made me wish
that the nights could last forever.
The second most positive thing is that I’m
working to protect my America and Western civilization, which shares much in
common with the civilization that our pony friends created, before their good
Princess became an evil Tyrant. This may sound strange to you, but Aednat
and I very much hope that Equestrian provinces will use the vote to become
American states. It is much better for ponies to elect representatives
that are accountable for their actions or inactions, than to put their trust
into Princesses who are accountable to no pony but themselves.
The third most positive thing is the Victory
Gardens appearing in almost every yard, porch, and south facing window.
Our company constructed six greenhouses, for employee community gardens,
where everyone spends hours each week all year long taking care of their edible
garden crops. I have no idea how our Earth pony miners can grow so much
food using so little space and topsoil.
What do I fear the most? That I didn’t work
hard enough mining iron ore, to make the steel, to make the weapons the
Alliance needs to defeat the Solar Tyrant and her dark armies. You betcha
that fear alone keeps me mining until my twelve-hour shift is done, despite how
cold, tired, and hungry I get.
While professional soldiers mark daily success by
how many newfoals they cut down, how many chariots they shoot down, or how many
PER and HLF safe houses they capture while living to see the sunset; I measure
success by how much iron ore I and Aednat have mined that day.
When will I know that World War C is over?
When my Aednat and I are sitting side by side, while watching Milky Way
Con’s opening ceremonies, is when I’ll know that World War C is over, and that
we the good people and the good ponies have won.
Maybe, someone will develop a safe potion that
transforms the body while keeping the mind and soul intact. That way,
Aednat and I can get married and then have children and/or foals, build a happy
family. Wouldn't it be something special when my future colt asks me why
he is a unicorn, while his sister is a human? Maybe, my colt will be the
first Pony-American Eagle Scout?
Moreover, I’ll know that the war is over when
three hundred Norwegians, two hundred Swedes, and eighty Finnish workers and
their families can return to their homelands. From the way those people
in exile work, I think that they consider mining iron ore their way of
expressing their personal grudge against the Solar Tyrant.
I earned my nickname “Hat-trick” by scoring three
goals in three separate games as a member of my high school’s ice hockey team.
I’m proud that during my sophomore year that I helped my team win the
Minnesota state championship over much larger schools.
I know that my high school friend Ernesto Fox was
playing for the Minnesota Wild and is now a specialist in the 2nd Ranger
Battalion. Despite being on a winning team, I never consider playing
professional hockey. By the way, I was surprised that Aednat had also
played an ice sport when she was in public school.
One last thing, Aednat and I have discussed
building a skyliner, using an old school bus as the passenger cabin and
cockpit. That should be plenty of space for our Milky Way fan friends,
Aednat, and I to travel to distant conventions. Aednat told me that her
father is willing to create all the magical gemstones our skyliner needs.
<><><><><>
Note: Milky Way Con
is my tribute to what Milky Way and the Galaxy Girls could have been and
someday could be.
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